its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?