Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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