Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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