Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
