I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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