I wish I only lived at night.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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