Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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