Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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