So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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