we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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