sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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