this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
