But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
