It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
