Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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