i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im so drunk with asians
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner