Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet