I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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