try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
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i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".