i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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