I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going