i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
