3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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