White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
