my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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