Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
