I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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