I am in a vortex of obligation.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
