I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
someone threw a dead crab at me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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