Im at strip club and am horny
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
