note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
