Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
