I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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