I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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