We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
