Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
