i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
