we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
