since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
