she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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