I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
