you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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