Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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