you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
