And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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