I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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