I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
