We're facebook friends in real life
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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