Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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