Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
