I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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