So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
