Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
