I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
