I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
