where am i from again
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and i looked up. we had an audience...
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last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize