you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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