Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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