I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
