Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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