I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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