Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
