btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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