Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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