using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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