Little spoons don't ask big questions
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
