I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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