Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
