May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize