He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
