what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
