My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
