This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
