pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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