If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
