i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Randomize
