I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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