I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
